The Show
The Couples
Gottman Institute
Tell Us Your Story
Contact Us


Know Yourself

John Gottman, Ph.D.

It's very important to know yourself. In fact, one of the things that we have to do is help women really feel like they are entitled to their dreams. Women are raised in our culture to feel like if they're dreams are not about relationships, about being a better sister or daughter or mother or friend, that they're not entitled to that. But a woman who wants to do something like win the Indianapolis 500 or be the CEO of her own company or climb Mt. Everest., we have to really help women to really feel like they're entitled to those dreams. And we have to help men to really realize that honoring a woman's dreams is one of the most powerful things you can do to have a great relationship.

Deborah Gayle

We started doing little ritual, where whenever one of the young women in the clan start to get married, we have this, we call it the auntie circle. And all the women who are married and been in relationships come and they kind of share with the young woman who is about to get married. And what I always tell them, is that the thing that's most important, is that you marry yourself first, to know yourself, to be clear with yourself and not to be afraid of who you are. And when you know who you are, then you have something to share. You can stand in the face of anything that happens and not turn tail and run.



"When you know who you are, then you have something to share"