One of the myths that
has really made a lot of sense to people was the idea that in a good relationship
there's an implicit contract. It doesn't have to be stated, that if I'm
nice to my partner my partner's going to reciprocate and be nice to me.
Maybe not immediately, but if I put a lot into this relationship I'll
get a lot back. That there's kind of a quid pro quo - an exchange of positive
for positive that takes place in a good relationship. Well actually, when
Bernard Merstein started studying this, not only in marriages but in friendships,
he found that people didn't have the quid pro quo way of thinking unless
the relationship was ailing.
My wife's happiness is my prime purpose in life. It isn't sufficient that I tell her this over and over again. More importantly, I have to show her in as many ways as I can that I mean what I am saying when I say that.
The other philosophy,
that I am sure most married people have learned is that marriage is not
a 50/50 proposition. It is at least an 80/80 proposition, I know it adds
up to more than 100%, but what I mean by that is you must be prepared
to do more than your share.
"It's not give